What our IM conversation with the billionaire hedge-funder would have been like today, if we were, like, pals.

Paul-Money: What up D.I.

Daily Intel: Hey JP

Paul-Money: What's going on, little person? How's the daily struggle for survival?

Daily Intel: I just got this annoying letter from Citigroup. They said they were going to vary my interest rate depending on how much I use my card, and if I didn't want it to go up to 10 percent I had to call them yesterday.

Daily Intel: It is very confusing.

Paul-Money: It appears my evil plan is working.

Daily Intel: What?

Paul-Money: Oh. Sorry. Er.

Paul-Money: Wrong window.

Daily Intel: Anyway, what's up with you.

Paul-Money: Well, Bank of America paid back their TARP money, which is great because I have a huge-ass long bet on BofA.

Paul-Money: Also, I may have made $45.3 million in the past three weeks on gold.

Daily Intel: Wow.

Daily Intel: Wait.

Daily Intel: What do you mean, "may have."

Paul-Money: I don't really know, I haven't done the math, I'm too obsessed with this Tiger Woods thing.

Daily Intel: OMG srsly

Paul-Money: Had you ever heard of Ambien sex?

Daily Intel: Is that really a thing? Or is it just that you take it if you have to have sex with Ryan Seacrest?

Paul-Money: No it is a Thing. I Googled it.

Paul-Money: I always thought the point was getting ladies NOT to fall asleep

Paul-Money: But this morning I totally bought stock in Sanofi-Aventis, and it closed up +0.64.

Paul-Money: That will show Business Week I'm no one-trick pony.

Paul-Money: That reminds me, I have to go actually. I have a delivery of miniature Shetlands coming to Old Trees this evening.

Daily Intel: ponies?

Paul-Money: yeah

Daily Intel: What for?

Paul-Money: Just to have around this weekend. Have you ever seen those things?

Paul-Money: They're all fluffy and shit, like dogs, but they're ponies.

Paul-Money: They're "high" larious. Anyway, come by later if you want. TTYL

Daily Intel: Hahaha ok byee

***Paul-Money went offline at 4:20 PM