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8/ 8/08

The Sports Section

8/ 8/08

2:55 PM

Press-Box Confidential: Favre Madness, Sports Journos Loose in Beijing, Manning’s Star Power

What have I gotten myself into?Photo: Getty Images

The big sports story this week was the shocking (and somewhat bewildering) trade of Brett Favre to the New York Jets. Annoyingly, the news broke just past midnight Thursday morning, which wasn’t too late for the Daily News to roll Mike Lupica out of bed — you just know he has the delicate linen, with a thread count that looks like a Social Security number — to remind everyone that the Jets matter now because Mike Lupica is writing about them and Mike Lupica doesn’t just write about anybody, you know. He did let loose a zinger: “Somehow, and against the odds, because these are the Jets, it worked out this way Wednesday night: He's 4 New York.” It was totally worth saving that line all these weeks, Mike! Jets fans had less than an hour to enjoy the Times’ Toni Monkovic — he’s the blogger they don’t let in the paper, probably because he’s good — telling everyone that Pennington would have been better than Favre. Because there’s nothing lazier than quoting blog commenters as some sort of person-on-the-street reaction, let’s play! How does guy have a job? He must be reviewing broadway plays and not sports … Chad better then Favre … hahahahahahaha I almost choked on laughter.

After the jump: Murray Chass blogs for real! »

Party Lines

8/ 8/08

2:15 PM

Tom Arnold’s Advice to Brett Favre: Be Derek Jeter

Tom Arnold

We have no idea what is going on in this picture.Photo: Getty Images

Last night at the Xbox twentieth-anniversary party for Madden Football in Los Angeles, comedian and sports commentator Tom Arnold was thinking of New York. He told us that he's thrilled that Bret Favre ended up on the Jets lineup. "For a guy to play 254 straight games and then want to still play, and then not be able to, that’s just not right," he said, referring to Green Bay's forced retirement of Favre. "That’s not American, it’s not even French." We asked Arnold if he had any advice for the country boy moving to the big city, and he had some wise words:

• "If you live in New York, you have to have thick skin. Myself, I’ve got thick skin because I only read bad things about myself, and if there is something good, I will not read it, uh, because I don’t believe it."
• "When they love you, when they 'Derek Jeter' you, there must be no better feeling in the whole world, I can only imagine. To be loved by the whole city of New York like I love Derek Jeter, personally, like, I am in love with that guy, he is the nicest human being, you cannot, say a bad thing about him, if you’ve ever met him, or whatever, you’d love to, and he’s also really good-looking."
• "That’s why A-Rod has trouble. A-Rod’s like the second-best ever, but he’s playing on a team with the best ever and the best-looking and the nicest guy, who does not make a mistake."

And most important:

• "Scores is not like it was in the early nineties. So if you try any of that crap there, you’ll get beat up and thrown out."

Thanks, Tom! We're sure Brett will take that to heart. —Soo Youn

Photo Op

8/ 8/08

1:30 PM

Suri’s Just Cruising Around Town

Photo: WireImage

There are all these solitary pictures of Suri Cruise in New York yesterday on Getty Images, and they're all matter-of-factly captioned, "Suri Cruise is seen on the streets of Manhattan," like she was just, you know, hanging out on her own. How weird: At 2years old, Suri is already a Personality. Before even growing her first teeth, she has become so famous that no one needs to explain that she is the daughter of two famous people. Oh, and in other obvious news: She's super cute. That is all.

Company Town

8/ 8/08

12:45 PM

Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts Expand Their Real-Estate Horizons

REAL ESTATE
• Twenty-five Brooklyn hotel projects are in the pipeline, but more than half of those will likely never see the light of day. "Unfortunately the capital market treats the hotel industry very reciprocally, and it seems like our run of good fortune has come to a halt and that it'll probably be a while before we see a new project funded and moving forward again," says one hotel consulting executive. [NYP]
• Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts are changing plans — they've relisted their two apartments at the unfinished One Madison Park and instead will be moving into a $10 million four-bedroom palace in the complex's annex. [WSJ]
• A multi-million-dollar Bridgehampton house designed by Peter Cook, Christy Brinkley's ex, has been sitting on the market for two years. The price has dropped from $27 million to $20 million. [NYP]

Read more »

It Just Happened

8/ 8/08

12:00 PM

The Aiken Baby Is Here! The Aiken Baby Is Here!

Photo: Getty Images

This morning at 8:08 a.m., the spawn of Clay Aiken burst through the body of his producer Jaymes Foster and entered a world eagerly anticipating its debut. Parker Foster Aiken, as the baby will be known, weighed six pounds, two ounces, and was nineteen inches long. Despite the fact that Parker is only half-famous (his mother is a producer who is Aiken's "best friend"), the birth was announced nearly immediately by People. This is likely because Clay Aiken is such a huge celebrity that the commonality of the womb of origin is practically canceled out. Also, it has been intimated that Foster was merely a vessel; Clay did not actually have sex with her, and though they will "raise the child together," according to reports, rumor has it that Clay is already working on a twangy country version of Will Smith's "Just the Two of Us."

Clay Aiken Welcomes a Son [People]
Earlier: Clay Aiken Got a Girl Pregnant

Early and Often

8/ 8/08

11:30 AM

Team Obama Hopes to End Bubba’s Blubbering

bill clinton

Photo-illustration: Getty Images

Hillary and Bill Clinton both did their part in recent days to freak out the campaign of Barack Obama, but also managed to secure themselves some high-profile speaking roles at the Democratic National Convention. The image of "yelling and screaming" on the convention floor that Hillary envisioned probably didn't put Obama at ease, nor, one would imagine, did Bill's comically tepid endorsement of Obama's qualifications to be president (basically, "If the Constitution says so"). But that stirring show of confidence won Bill a nice coveted speaking slot right before the vice-presidential nominee on the third night of the convention (Hillary will speak on the second night). Does this mean the drama is over, the feud is diffused?

Not remotely. »

In Other News

8/ 8/08

11:05 AM

Princess Chunk Finds Castle of His Own: A Fairy Tale

Princess Chunk

"And that makes you the princess of Genovia!"Photo: Newscom

We've already told you some parts of this tale, but it deserves a retelling — because now it has a happy ending.

Once upon a time, there was a pretty, pretty kitty named Powder. He had a happy home in a faraway land called New Jersey, where everybody gets enough sleep but surprisingly there are no dreams. Powder's life was so full of love that he grew and grew and grew until he was nearly perfectly round and weighed 44 pounds. But soon a pall fell over New Jersey and all the nearby lands, and Powder was exiled from his home. He wandered the streets, looking for a new home, but no one would take him in.

When Powder was finally rescued, he was so hungry he couldn't speak. His saviors, blinded by his beauty, assumed that he must be some sort of lost royal lady, and named him Princess Chunk. He immediately became an international celebrity and had to endure a variety of trials and humiliations. Hundreds of people offered to take the orphan in. Then, as the fickle public eye turned its glare in another, uglier direction, Powder fell into obscurity once more.

But! This wouldn't be a fairy tale if there wasn't a happy ending! »

Court Reporter

8/ 8/08

10:40 AM

Brooklyn Lawyer Unable to Relinquish Inner Rock Star

Matthew KnouffPhoto: Friendster

You know how it is. One day you're in college, jamming with your band and doing bong hits while listening to the Flaming Lips and thinking, on some level, that even as you inevitably grow older you will always be punk rock. Then the next thing you know, you're a twentysomething lawyer working inside the system and going to wine bars in Dumbo. Most people make this transition without really noticing, the West Elm furniture replacing the stuff they found on the street piece by piece until the only thing really punk about them is what's in their iPod, and well, yeah. Others have a more difficult time. This is what we suspect happened to Matthew Knouff, a 28-year-old Chapel Hill grad who prosecuted narcotics crimes in the district attorney's office in Brooklyn. Matthew was arrested last month for stiffing his cab driver, pretending to be a cop and then trying to pay the real police $50 each to let him go. As this came on the heels of his arrest at the office Christmas party, where he threw a brick through the window, the D.A's office let him go yesterday.

Before the trouble, Matthew seemed like a pretty nice guy — he had his own record label in college, he worked with a number of nonprofit organizations and was even recognized by the City Bar Justice Center for his commitment to volunteerism a few years ago. Quoth his Friendster profile (yes!):

Do your drugs, be a hipster, be chill … I don't care, whatever you gotta do, just be passionate about something and get it done. Just make sure you do it without screwing up everyone elses good time, disrespecting peoples' opinions, and being an all 'round close-minded dipshit … Fo' real.

So how did he get to this terrible place? The fact that he seemed to be restarting his college record label, Venge Records, seems like a foreshadowing of rebellion. And why else would someone who works within the justice system try to bribe the cops, other than the fact that he was completely jaded and disappointed by "the system"? So maybe he was just like, PUNK ROCK! Maybe he was in the midst of a profound quarter-life crisis!

Of course, he also lists "hard drugs" as an interest on Friendster, so that could be an alternate explanation.

Un-Fare Assist D.A. Axed [NYP]
Matthew Knouff [Friendster]

Gossipmonger

8/ 8/08

10:00 AM

Brody Jenner Wants You to Know He Is Totally a Stud

Photo: Getty Images

Lydia Hearst resents being compared to Paris Hilton because she says she's a "supermodel" while Paris is merely a "celebrity." Frankie Delgado had to remind Brody Jenner that the cute blonde who approached him in Washington Square Park was actually one of Jenner's conquests from Cabo. DUDE! Music mogul Charlie Walk and magazine publisher Jason Binn almost didn't make it through security at Newark Airport because Walk's titanium black card set off the metal detector. John Edwards might not be allowed to speak the DNC in Denver because of his alleged affair with Rielle Hunter.

Read more »

In Other News

8/ 8/08

9:30 AM

Paterson’s Gay-Marriage Opponents Look to Be Headed for Defeat

Paterson Family

Paterson and his wife, Michelle, always open-minded about marriage.Photo: Getty Images

In oral arguments yesterday, the Arizona-based Alliance Defense Fund presented their case against David Paterson over equal marriage rights in New York. The lawsuit was filed in June shortly after Paterson ordered state agencies to recognize same-sex marriages performed elsewhere. But New York Supreme Court Judge Lucy Billings seemed unimpressed with the ADF's arguments. According to the New York Sun, Billing implied that she would rule against the group, saying: "The petitioners, I'm sure, are headed to a higher court." From the Sun:
The most heated exchange came over one of the Alliance Defense Fund's key arguments: that the word "marriage" fundamentally means a bond between a man and a woman. Mr. Raum argued that, if Mr. Paterson's interpretation of New York law were to stand, "then marriage would mean nothing. It would mean whatever any foreign jurisdiction says."

"Yes, it does mean that in New York," Judge Billings replied. She said that there could be an exception if a certain marriage were deemed "abhorrent" but did not say gay marriages fit that definition.

The debate largely hinges on a 2006 Court of Appeals ruling that left open the question of whether the state should recognize those out-of-state unions. The legislature in Massachusetts, which has recognized same-sex marriages since 2004, just decided to allow out-of-state residents to enter into such unions last month. The ADF has made several attempts to challenge marriage equality in New York, the Post reports, including once before at the appellate level. All previous efforts failed.

Paterson Win on Gay Rites Looks Likely [NYS]
Earlier: David Paterson Sneaks Gay Marriage in Through the Back Door

In Other News

8/ 8/08

9:00 AM

Blake Lively, Penn Badgely, and the Mystery RSVP

"Who could be doing this terrible thing to us, Dan?" "I don't know, Serena. I'll have to investigate."Photo: Getty Images, istockphoto

Something is rotten in the state of Gossip Girl! After Blake Lively and Penn Badgely didn't show up for the Kick It to Malaria! soccer tournament Tuesday, Daily News gossip sleuths Rush and Molloy did some investigating and found that the stars didn't deprive the 300 children of their glimpse of golden greatness on purpose or even because Blake was having a bad hair day — they are the victims of sabotage by a mystery RSVPer. "Blake is never allowed to be RSVPed for events during the week because she's filming for Gossip Girl," her rep tells the Daily News. "She would never lend her name if she wasn't able to attend. There's something fishy going on." Our stars! We called former U.N. ambassador Richard Holbrooke at Malaria No More to see if he knew who left the RSVP, but strangely, he didn't answer.

We can only guess at what could have happened! »

8/ 7/08

Photo Op

8/ 7/08

6:30 PM

Why Didn’t Anyone Run These Recent Photos of Madonna Looking Normal?

Madonna Looking Pretty

Madonna, with Michael Moore, on Saturday.Photo: Getty Images

This afternoon, on a lark, we decided to look to see whether there were any recent pictures of Madonna out there looking normal after those weird, terrible shots of her showed up in the Daily Mail one week ago. After all, we've been thinking about Madonna's face a lot lately. And lo and behold, there are pictures of the pop star looking like her regular lovely, zero-fat self — from five days ago. The singer was snapped with Michael Moore in Michigan at a screening of her film I Am Because We Are, a documentary about orphans in Malawi with AIDS.

Now, to be fair, we haven't checked everywhere, but we haven't seen these photos on many of the Websites that ran the original pictures, which were often accompanied by questions over Madonna's health and fitness regimen. And yet these were taken a mere two days after. Clearly, as we suspected, the original bad photos were nothing new: just another round of bad pictures of a celebrity without makeup.

Related: The New New Face [NYM]
Have age and stress launched a shocking attack on Madonna's face? [Daily Mail]

In Other News

8/ 7/08

6:10 PM

Brooklyn Teen Learns Best Way to Pick Up Girls

Photo: Nytimes.com

When you're a kid, you learn all year in school. But the important stuff, you learn in summer. Like what third base is. How to tuck in the tampon string. Be careful when shaving your knees and ankles. And stay away from Jägermeister and Southern Comfort. And Kahlúa. And Goldschläger. Anyway, this summer, Jose Pico, a rather awesome teenager the Times found working as a freak at Coney Island, learned an important lesson, too: "I meet a lot of girls out here, even though I’m wearing the costume and I’m the freak," he marveled to the Times. "They’re interested in meeting the freak.” Yes, Jose, you've nailed it. Girls are interested in meeting the freak. Don't exploit that information, the way these creeps have. Now, have you had Baileys yet?

His Job Is Acting Freaky and Getting Shot [City Room/NYT]
Related: One With The Freaks [NYM]

It Just Happened

8/ 7/08

4:55 PM

Man Arrested in Florida for Threatening to Assassinate Obama, Bush

Barack Obama

Photo: Getty Images

Let's hope this is the first and the last time we hear a story like this: Raymone Hunter Geisel was arrested by federal authorities in Florida for threatening to assassinate Barack Obama. He is being held without bail. The Secret Service found a loaded handgun, knives, dozens of rounds of ammunition, body armor, and a machete in Geisel's car and hotel room. He was nabbed after a source told the Feds that he made the threat against Obama during a training class for bail bondsmen in Miami last month. Another source claimed he made a similar threat against President Bush. Geisel denies having made the threats.

Man held in Fla. on charge of threatening Obama [AP]

Party Lines

8/ 7/08

4:30 PM

How to Seduce Yigal Azrouël, John Turturro, and Patricia Clarkson

Woody Allen didn’t attend last night’s premiere of Vicky Cristina Barcelona, so Jada Yuan couldn’t ask him for seduction tips. But, fortunately for us, John Turturro, Harvey Weinstein, and Patricia Clarkson offered an education. Turturro recommended food, Weinstein suggested prayer, and Clarkson looked a little offended. Watch the video and take notes: You’re on your own tonight.

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Edited by Chris Rovzar and Jessica Pressler

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