
What have I gotten myself into?Photo: Getty Images
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What have I gotten myself into?Photo: Getty Images

We have no idea what is going on in this picture.Photo: Getty Images
• "If you live in New York, you have to have thick skin. Myself, I’ve got thick skin because I only read bad things about myself, and if there is something good, I will not read it, uh, because I don’t believe it."
• "When they love you, when they 'Derek Jeter' you, there must be no better feeling in the whole world, I can only imagine. To be loved by the whole city of New York like I love Derek Jeter, personally, like, I am in love with that guy, he is the nicest human being, you cannot, say a bad thing about him, if you’ve ever met him, or whatever, you’d love to, and he’s also really good-looking."
• "That’s why A-Rod has trouble. A-Rod’s like the second-best ever, but he’s playing on a team with the best ever and the best-looking and the nicest guy, who does not make a mistake."
And most important:
• "Scores is not like it was in the early nineties. So if you try any of that crap there, you’ll get beat up and thrown out."
Thanks, Tom! We're sure Brett will take that to heart. —Soo Youn

Photo: WireImage
REAL ESTATE
• Twenty-five Brooklyn hotel projects are in the pipeline, but more than half of those will likely never see the light of day. "Unfortunately the capital market treats the hotel industry very reciprocally, and it seems like our run of good fortune has come to a halt and that it'll probably be a while before we see a new project funded and moving forward again," says one hotel consulting executive. [NYP]
• Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts are changing plans — they've relisted their two apartments at the unfinished One Madison Park and instead will be moving into a $10 million four-bedroom palace in the complex's annex. [WSJ]
• A multi-million-dollar Bridgehampton house designed by Peter Cook, Christy Brinkley's ex, has been sitting on the market for two years. The price has dropped from $27 million to $20 million. [NYP]

Photo: Getty Images
Clay Aiken Welcomes a Son [People]
Earlier: Clay Aiken Got a Girl Pregnant

Photo-illustration: Getty Images
Hillary and Bill Clinton both did their part in recent days to freak out the campaign of Barack Obama, but also managed to secure themselves some high-profile speaking roles at the Democratic National Convention. The image of "yelling and screaming" on the convention floor that Hillary envisioned probably didn't put Obama at ease, nor, one would imagine, did Bill's comically tepid endorsement of Obama's qualifications to be president (basically, "If the Constitution says so"). But that stirring show of confidence won Bill a nice coveted speaking slot right before the vice-presidential nominee on the third night of the convention (Hillary will speak on the second night). Does this mean the drama is over, the feud is diffused?

"And that makes you the princess of Genovia!"Photo: Newscom
Once upon a time, there was a pretty, pretty kitty named Powder. He had a happy home in a faraway land called New Jersey, where everybody gets enough sleep but surprisingly there are no dreams. Powder's life was so full of love that he grew and grew and grew until he was nearly perfectly round and weighed 44 pounds. But soon a pall fell over New Jersey and all the nearby lands, and Powder was exiled from his home. He wandered the streets, looking for a new home, but no one would take him in.
When Powder was finally rescued, he was so hungry he couldn't speak. His saviors, blinded by his beauty, assumed that he must be some sort of lost royal lady, and named him Princess Chunk. He immediately became an international celebrity and had to endure a variety of trials and humiliations. Hundreds of people offered to take the orphan in. Then, as the fickle public eye turned its glare in another, uglier direction, Powder fell into obscurity once more.
But! This wouldn't be a fairy tale if there wasn't a happy ending! »

Matthew KnouffPhoto: Friendster
Before the trouble, Matthew seemed like a pretty nice guy — he had his own record label in college, he worked with a number of nonprofit organizations and was even recognized by the City Bar Justice Center for his commitment to volunteerism a few years ago. Quoth his Friendster profile (yes!):
Do your drugs, be a hipster, be chill … I don't care, whatever you gotta do, just be passionate about something and get it done. Just make sure you do it without screwing up everyone elses good time, disrespecting peoples' opinions, and being an all 'round close-minded dipshit … Fo' real.
So how did he get to this terrible place? The fact that he seemed to be restarting his college record label, Venge Records, seems like a foreshadowing of rebellion. And why else would someone who works within the justice system try to bribe the cops, other than the fact that he was completely jaded and disappointed by "the system"? So maybe he was just like, PUNK ROCK! Maybe he was in the midst of a profound quarter-life crisis!
Of course, he also lists "hard drugs" as an interest on Friendster, so that could be an alternate explanation.
Un-Fare Assist D.A. Axed [NYP]
Matthew Knouff [Friendster]

Photo: Getty Images

Paterson and his wife, Michelle, always open-minded about marriage.Photo: Getty Images
The most heated exchange came over one of the Alliance Defense Fund's key arguments: that the word "marriage" fundamentally means a bond between a man and a woman. Mr. Raum argued that, if Mr. Paterson's interpretation of New York law were to stand, "then marriage would mean nothing. It would mean whatever any foreign jurisdiction says."
"Yes, it does mean that in New York," Judge Billings replied. She said that there could be an exception if a certain marriage were deemed "abhorrent" but did not say gay marriages fit that definition.
The debate largely hinges on a 2006 Court of Appeals ruling that left open the question of whether the state should recognize those out-of-state unions. The legislature in Massachusetts, which has recognized same-sex marriages since 2004, just decided to allow out-of-state residents to enter into such unions last month. The ADF has made several attempts to challenge marriage equality in New York, the Post reports, including once before at the appellate level. All previous efforts failed.
Paterson Win on Gay Rites Looks Likely [NYS]
Earlier: David Paterson Sneaks Gay Marriage in Through the Back Door

"Who could be doing this terrible thing to us, Dan?" "I don't know, Serena. I'll have to investigate."Photo: Getty Images, istockphoto

Madonna, with Michael Moore, on Saturday.Photo: Getty Images
This afternoon, on a lark, we decided to look to see whether there were any recent pictures of Madonna out there looking normal after those weird, terrible shots of her showed up in the Daily Mail one week ago. After all, we've been thinking about Madonna's face a lot lately. And lo and behold, there are pictures of the pop star looking like her regular lovely, zero-fat self — from five days ago. The singer was snapped with Michael Moore in Michigan at a screening of her film I Am Because We Are, a documentary about orphans in Malawi with AIDS.
Now, to be fair, we haven't checked everywhere, but we haven't seen these photos on many of the Websites that ran the original pictures, which were often accompanied by questions over Madonna's health and fitness regimen. And yet these were taken a mere two days after. Clearly, as we suspected, the original bad photos were nothing new: just another round of bad pictures of a celebrity without makeup.
Related: The New New Face [NYM]
Have age and stress launched a shocking attack on Madonna's face? [Daily Mail]

Photo: Nytimes.com
His Job Is Acting Freaky and Getting Shot [City Room/NYT]
Related: One With The Freaks [NYM]

Photo: Getty Images
Edited by Chris Rovzar and Jessica Pressler
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